


Adorable Misadventures

by morganfm



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Cutesy, Fluff, Gen, Happy, One Shot, Pond Family, River Fixes Things, TARDIS rooms, The Doctor Picks Up Something He Shouldn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-28 17:36:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2741177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morganfm/pseuds/morganfm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor's soft spot for stray, helpless creatures gets him and the Ponds into a bit of a bind. Luckily, River has lots of practice dealing with tricky situations. Mostly crack, with fluffy creatures in addition to the fluff.<br/>Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I didn't make it up. Also, apologies, I'm still fairly new to writing my own fics.<br/>beta'd by the always fantastic starjargon!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adorable Misadventures

**Author's Note:**

  * For [keita52](https://archiveofourown.org/users/keita52/gifts).



> I know, I know, it's sacrilegious to write "time lord" in lower case, but I follow the rule that I'd capitalize Earthling, but not human, therefore I capitalize Gallifreyan, but not time lord. Sorry for any angst that causes you guys ;) grammar rules here: http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=132484  
> (don't blame my lovely beta, she tried to make me fix it)

The Tardis door closed behind a hurried trio as the Doctor careened towards the console.

"Everyone in?" he shouted as he began flipping switches.

"Yes, we're both here," Rory called back. "What is going on, exactly?"

Amy faced the Doctor across the controls, guessing the answer to her husband's question. "We're leaving, yeah? And taking it with us?"

"Yes, we, are!" he replied, punctuating each word with another flip of the controls. "Bye-bye, Mavis 4!" Slamming the zig-zag plotter to the left and turning the cold knob to the 'off' position he sent them hurtling into the vortex.

"Um, does anyone want to tell me why he's holding a monkey?" Rory called from the bottom of the stairs.

"Don't be ridiculous Rory. She's not a monkey." The Doctor's not-so-convincing indignation at Rory's mistake evaporated as he made eye contact with the creature that had been clinging to his braces since they'd boarded the Tardis. "She's just the cutest little baby-wabey ever..." The Doctor's voice went up an octave and he came down the stairs, sitting as he made faces at the small animal.

Rory and Amy exchanged a look. This was somewhat weird, even for the Doctor. Through wordless communication it was decided that Amy would address the issue.

"Doctor, I know it's cute and everything, but _what_ is it?" She leaned over the railing, staring with concern as her friend fawned over his small passenger.

Cooing at it like it was his firstborn child, the Doctor exclaimed, "No idea! But Amy, look how cute she is!"

The tiny creature gazed at the Doctor adoringly, the picture of innocence with huge blue eyes and a head too large for its body. It was easy to see why Rory had called it a monkey- it looked like one of those pygmy marmosets people sometimes kept as pets, except for the pastel, rainbow-colored fur. If they hadn't been on another planet, she might have thought it had escaped from some cruel circus.

Trying to remain mature and objective in this situation, (she was his mother-in-law, after all) Amy used her sternest, most reprimanding tone. "So we just abducted a who-knows-what from a planet and brought it into the Tardis? For all we know it could be dangerous."

The creature in question turned its head towards her, blinked sleepily, and yawned. Her best friend mimicked the movement, minus the yawning. The Doctor looked like a very young child begging his mum to let him keep a puppy he'd found.

Huffing a sigh of resignation, the ginger rolled her eyes and followed the time lord down the stairs. "Fine, I guess it's not dangerous, but why do we have it?"

"Because, Pond," he stated, eyes not leaving the little creature that was now hugging his right hand as he patted Amy on the head with his free one. "She needs protecting."

Rory temporarily stopped making a futile effort to get the furry animal's attention and asked, "What from?"

"From everything." With that incredibly helpful reply, he carefully lifted the hand the little rainbow monkey was clinging to and cradled it in his other, drawing the infant-like creature off his chest, into his arms, and rocking it. "She's completely helpless. How could we leave her to be neglected or hurt by people who don't care about her? Like those meanies she was with before."

Rory suddenly objected in a normal tone that seemed uncomfortably loud, "We stole her?! Amy, what happened?"

When they landed on Mavis 4 Rory had been sent to fetch the camera phone, since they certainly didn't want a repeat of the events on Apalapucia. He had caught up to the Doctor and Amy as they were running back the way they had come with an additional alien in tow.

"Well, we were just looking around when we bumped into this group of, oh what was it again?"

Quietly and without once looking up from the bundle in his hands, he replied, "Raxacoricofallapatorians, Amy. How many times do I have to tell you?"

"Whatever they were," she continued, inadvertently reaching out and picking up the creature as she sat next to her friend, "When we walked up, they were holding this little... hey! Wasn't there only one of them?"

Amy had taken the monkey-like alien from the Doctor's hands, yet somehow he was still holding one. But, come to think of it, Amy's had mostly red fur, unlike its rainbow-colored friend.

"Ooh! It looks as though they have some sort of multiplying ability. Fascinating..."

Rory looked askance at the two adorable animals, one of whom was now thoroughly gumming Amy's shirtsleeve. "How is that even possible? There was one of them, and now there's two!"

"Don't worry about it Rory, I've told you before- anything is possible. It's a big universe."

Cutting off the argument before it could go any further, Amy continued her explanation of how they acquired a self-duplicating monkey. "Anyway, the little cutie started freaking out when it saw us, and the Raxawhatevers seemed like they were fighting about something. The Doctor got in there, just sort of grabbed it, and we, well, ran."

The former centurion paced back and forth in the entryway, arms crossed and ready to deliver a lecture. "Why would you take it without even talking to them? Isn't this basically kidnapping?" Thinking his words through, he corrected, “Well, alien-napping or whatever you want to call it?”

"Don't be ridiculous Rory; Raxacoricofallapatorians are not known for their caring tendencies. Almost every one I've met turned out to be a despicable, opportunistic murderer hoping to make a fortune on the black market." The time lord wiggled his fingers at the creature in his arms, speaking in a teasing baby voice as he scowled playfully, continuing, "They were probably trying to profit off of this little cutie."

Amy's sleeve was rapidly becoming a soggy mess as her little alien gummed it into submission, but she seemed not to care very much.

Rory took in the sight of the little helpless creature as the other extracted the sonic screwdriver from the Doctor's pocket and nearly fell off his lap at the weight of it. Sighing, he allowed, "Well if we're going to keep them, at least for a little while, they ought to have names. We can't just call them 'Thing 1 and Thing 2.'"

Small squeaking sounds came from the 'monkey' on Amy's arm as it gently patted her chin with one hand while sucking on its thumb.

"Awwe, do you need something little one?" The chirping quieted as soon as she gave it her full attention. It really was incredibly cute, and so little and helpless. "I'm going to call it Munchkin."

The Doctor nearly looked up at that. "What kind of a name is 'Munchkin'?"

"Well, what are you naming yours?" She teased the little newly-christened creature with her hair, leaning back on the staircase as she did so.

He fumbled for an answer for a moment, before stating with obvious excitement, "Water!" His companions just stared at him, forcing him to explain his brilliant idea. "Get it? Ponds, River, Water!" The man was practically twittering with glee.

"Oh for crying out loud..." Amy rolled her eyes in exasperation.

Their conversation was interrupted by an alarming beep from the Tardis scanner. The Doctor clambered to his feet to go check on it, but when he did so both creatures began to cry, reaching for one another while emitting plaintive whimpers.

Assessing the situation in his usual flustered manner, the Doctor pronounced, "It looks as if Water and," he scowled at the name, "Munchkin here would prefer not to be separated. Rory, would you take her for just a minute?"

With only a bit of reluctance on Rory's part, he tried to hand over the creature, but Water clung to the Doctor's sleeve tenaciously. Prying gently to release her grip, he reassured her, "Don't worry, little one. Doctor will be right back."

Tears filled the fluffy animal's eyes as her former host bounded up the stairs as quickly as possible and yanked the screen into view. After rapidly scanning the display, he began flipping switches and turning dials at random.

From her position on the stairs Amy leaned back and shouted, "What are you doing? The Tardis isn't about to explode or something, is it?" As she turned back to face him, Rory was amused to hear her grumble, "Again."

The enthusiastic reply came from above them as Rory carefully sat with his legs crossed at the bottom of the stairs. "No, no, nothing like that!" The Doctor's head popped over the railing all of a sudden and he pointed out, "Besides, that technically never happened, since I remade the universe." Disappearing from sight once again he went back to twiddling with the Tardis controls. "I've got a message from your daughter- asking for a ride, as usual. I'm just punching in the coordinates."

The central column began to oscillate, and he rushed back down the stairs, reaching toward the little creature still whimpering in Rory's grasp. "It's alright, Doctor's back. Come here cutie!"

Rory nearly protested when relieved of his burden, only to realize there was still a monkey in his hands. It, however, was mostly yellow.

The Doctor was too busy reuniting with his newest companion to notice that another one had appeared, but Amy was quick to react.

"There's three of them now! Doctor, how does that work?"

Spinning dramatically, the time lord took in the latest surprise addition to the Tardis. "Curious... That one seems perfectly happy with you, unlike Water here." He returned to his seat on the stairs beside Amy as he puzzled it over.

Rory wasn't arguing as he stared into the wide eyes of his new friend adoringly, and said, "I'm going to call you Eliza." The nurse seemed happy to have a little creature of his own to care for.

The door of the Tardis suddenly burst open in a flurry of sound and movement. "Sweetie, I messaged you three weeks ago; you really need to work on your timing-" River stopped and took in the sight of her family, all seated by the stairs cuddling multicolored, monkey-like creatures.

Dropping a bag on the floor, she turned and shut the door behind her, continuing, "I managed to stop the Judoon from arresting an entire planet of Kimens by mistake, but a few more felonies got added to my record in the process. Peace negotiations are just so tedious."

The Doctor sprang to his feet to embrace his wife, explanations at the ready, but was interrupted by Water once again wailing at the prospect of being separated from her duplicates.

Eyebrow raised and arms folded, River watched her husband attempt to pacify the little thing. "I thought we discussed not taking in pets the last time you wanted to adopt a puppy."

Amy and Rory greeted their daughter from where they were seated.

"Hey, River! It's been a while. You look well.” The ginger smiled widely before adding, “Oh! Say hello to Munchkin, Water, and," Amy looked quizzically at her husband, "Eliza?"

Rory nodded slightly without providing an explanation as he waved to his fully-grown daughter.

Turning back to the likely culprit, River asked, "You've named them? Seriously?"

The Doctor squirmed under her piercing stare and tried to deflect it. "It was Rory's idea that we have something to call them!"

"Hey! I mentioned the issue, mate. You're the one who picked the name 'Water'."

Meanwhile, the partial time lady was assessing the potential ways to deal with her compulsive husband's latest acquisition. She must have decided the best place to start was gathering information, because she began interrogating them.

"Mummy, can you explain why you let my idiot husband take in three baby aliens on a whim?"

The idiot in question snorted grumpily, but Amy cut off his protest with one of her own. "In our defense, it was only one alien, two if you count him, when we got in the Tardis. The others just sort of... happened."

Picking her bag back up and weaving her way past them up the stairs, River asked, "Where did you get the first one?"

Failing to soothe Water or hand her to either of his companions so he could pursue his wife, the Doctor sat back down. "We saved Water from a couple of Raxacoricofallapatorians on Mavis 4."

"I'm not even going to ask about that name." Setting the satchel aside and pushing a few buttons on the console, she continued, "What were you doing on Mavis 4?"

"We were hoping to go sightseeing," her father provided.

"Sweetie that's Mavis 6, remember? Mavis 4 was a black market trading center before it was raided in the 49th century." Her long-suffering smile did nothing to ease the Doctor's irritation at being caught in his mistake. "Now what do you mean the other two just happened?"

Rory decided to tackle that question as well. "It... seemed to happen when two people wanted to hold it at the same time. Like, somehow one monkey suddenly turned into two, and we were each holding one."

"Sweetie, did you think to figure out what exactly these little creatures are?"

“I've been a bit busy picking you up!” the time lord declared.

Amy looked up from her 'monkey'. "Why don't you just get out that species identifying thingy you used on that alien only Van Gogh could see?"

"Because the Krafayis broke it, remember?"

Rory looked hesitantly at his wife. "Do I want to know what you're talking about?"

His daughter was also eying her spouse, though her gaze carried far more criticism than his. “Honestly? You broke that present from Auntie RishFae on a Krafayis? And my mother was there? With Van Gogh? I swear I can't leave you alone for five minutes.”

The Doctor pouted, stroking Water's soft fur with his fingertips.

River pulled the screen around and asked the Tardis, “Would you be kind enough to scan the little interlopers your thief has brought on board?”

After a moment of whirring, blipping, and general analysis, a result appeared on the display. The Doctor pointedly refused to acknowledge this in hopes of preserving his dignity.

“Hmm, looks like they're nothing too bad, but you have gotten yourself into a bit of trouble, darling. Why don't all three of you come up here together so I don't have to talk quite so loud,” she called down to them.

Her mother was the first to stand, and it almost immediately set Munchkin, Water, and Eliza, who was now firmly tucked up underneath Rory's chin, off crying at their separation. The Doctor and Rory stood quickly and the little ones quieted.

“See what I mean?” River proceeded to inform them of the pertinent information as they ascended the stairs as close together as possible. “They're called several things, but the most apropos name is one you'll probably appreciate- humans like to refer to them as 'stucklings', because they’re incredibly clingy,” she glanced over her shoulder at them, “Don't come too close, I don't want to accidentally create another one.”

As they moved over towards the chair, which was thankfully large enough for all three at the moment, River continued reading off the display. “The name also comes from the fact that once one is created, they imprint on you, like a duckling. Through their appearance and mild psychic waves they make themselves endearing and attractive to almost any life form capable of empathy, evoking a relationship much like a parent has with their child. Apparently the only way to pick one up without it duplicating is if the host, that's what the person it's imprinted on is called, actually wants to let go of it.”

Rory interjected, “That must be why you were able to hand Water to me in the first place, Doctor, so you could go check the scanner.”

“Yes, I can see that, Rory,” the time lord rose and attempted to go look over his wife's shoulder, only to be forced to sit back down by the stucklings' panicked tears. “What else does it say?”

“Each one is attached to their host, and if separated from them they pine away, unless they find a new host that is preferable to the former. Who did you get the first one from?” River leaned around the console to look at the trio.

“A couple of Raaa... Racks...” Amy once again failed to recall the troublesome word, but her well-informed daughter was able to guess.

“Raxacoricofallapatorians; that lot again? Were they Slitheen?” This last part was directed to her husband, who shrugged noncommittally, and she looked back at the display. “It says here that they're highly interdependent not only on their host, but on each other. They cry and mourn, as you've seen already, if they're separated from their siblings. Therin lies the problem.” River propped herself against the console with one arm, staring back at them as her mother, father, and husband waited for her to explain the extent of the trouble they had gotten themselves into.

“Well? What does that mean?” The very Scottish Amy Pond was the first to lose her patience and Munchkin cocooned himself in her hair.

“It means that until we can find these stucklings three more suitable hosts, convince them to imprint on those hosts instead of you, and actually hand them over without causing them to duplicate, you three are stuck together. Interminably.”

Amy groaned, flopping to lie back across Rory's knees on the bench. Two large pairs of blue eyes stared down at her. She complained to Munchkin and Eliza, “You're really cute and all, but I think that's more trouble than you're worth.”

The Doctor bounced anxiously on the couch. “Are you sure there's no other way we could... separate them? I don't want to give poor little Water to a stranger...” The time lord and the stuckling looked at River, each clinging to one another with equal ferocity and identically miserable expressions on their faces, though Water's was impeded by the sonic screwdriver protruding from her mouth.

“I don't know Sweetie, but I do know that you three being stuck together for any extended length of time is going to end badly. Why don't you go, together, to the library or something to amuse yourselves while I see what I can come up with?” With that instruction, River turned back to the display and pulled out her handheld computer to begin typing, figuring, and researching like the archeologist she was.

“Oh,” she added as they stood up to follow her advice, “and do keep them away from me- we don't want to accidentally have another troublemaker on our hands.”

The trio made their way clumsily down the hall with the stucklings chirping and clambering about, making sure to keep one another in sight at all times. Eliza was practically strangling Rory, so tightly was she curled around his neck, and Munchkin was hanging onto Amy's hair like it was a rope so he could lean out and pat the other little creature's face. Water had somehow lost the sonic though the Doctor had given it up as a chew toy, and she was now taking a vested interest in his bow tie.

“Not to worry, Ponds. I'm sure River will figure something out.”

Amy rolled her eyes for what might have been the thousandth time that day. “Doctor, how do you always get us into these messes? You're like a five-year-old who can't walk past something interesting without picking it up.”

Her husband was not about to miss an opportunity to share his concerns, and chimed in, “She does have a point, Doctor. Shouldn't you at least check things out before diving into them? What if these things turned out to be, I don't know, poisonous or something? We could all be dead right now.”

“Oh, so it's all _my_ fault.”

“Yes!” Amy and Rory replied in unison.

The Doctor grumbled a bit about their disloyalty before changing the topic. “You know I really should be in there helping River figure out what to do with the stucklings; it would be so much faster if we worked together.” He began dragging his heels until Amy grabbed his elbow, forcing him to catch up before Munchkin started pulling her hair again.

“You heard what she said, we have to stay together. Now come on, maybe we can find something useful in the library.”

  
  


X >< X >< X >< X >< X >< X >< X >< X >< X >< X >< X

  
  


River listened to the sounds of their receding argument, shaking her head. That impossible man was never going to grow up. She wiped the little stuckling's drool from the tip of the sonic and shook it until it buzzed back to life. She'd nabbed it from the little creature as the trio had passed her, and was sure it would still be searching for it for some time.

“All right, old girl. Let's see what we can do to get him out of this mess, shall we?” she voiced aloud to the comforting, motherly presence in her mind.

  
  


X >< X >< X >< X >< X >< X >< X >< X >< X >< X >< X

  
  


After several hours of running through different ideas and scenarios, as well as placing calls to a few less-than-reputable contacts, River had what she hoped would be the solution.

“Where are they at now?” she asked, fully aware that her husband would not have stayed in one room for over four hours, especially in the company of her parents.

Thanking the Tardis for directions with a fond pat on the console, River stretched her back before heading off to the antigrav room. With some luck, they wouldn't have let anything unsavory out of the attic. As she passed the wardrobe she noticed it was in far more disarray than usual, and inwardly sighed at the additional clean-up the Tardis would have to do.

Turning down the fourth corridor on the right, she heard the sounds of laughter, shouting, and if she wasn't mistaken, crying. River paused in the doorway of the large, spherical antigravity chamber and took in the scene before her.

Rory, with Eliza firmly attached to his arm, was clinging desperately to a rung on the edge of the chamber. The Doctor, meanwhile, was ineffectually trying to swim through the air, apparently having drifted out by accident and gotten stranded. He was shouting at Amy, who was bouncing back and forth from wall to wall on the opposite side of the room from where River observed, to give him a push as she giggled and somersaulted through the air. The three stucklings, however, appeared to be having less fun and were whining at having to be so far apart as their hosts played.

Rory was the first to notice River's arrival and shouted to her quite loudly, “Please tell us you've found something!”

The Doctor attempted to turn toward her and barely managed it, only to continue twirling and end up facing the opposite direction. He gave up and addressed her anyway in an equally loud voice. “Hello, River! Care to join us?”

Meanwhile Amy, surprised at her daughter's arrival, had bounced off the opposite wall and was headed towards her left. Unfortunately, the bounce appeared to not be forceful enough, and she approached at a crawling pace. Munchkin was once again swinging from her hair, though it was fortunately more comfortable for his host in zero-g. Her words were the loudest of all as she shouted, “River! _Please_ tell me you can fix this; they haven't stopped crying in hours unless we're practically touching each other since we had to separate them and go to the bathroom, and if I have to listen to one more lecture on how fezzes are superior headgear-”

“They're cool!”

“I swear you're going to be a widow.” As Amy neared her, River noticed the reason for their shouting. Each of them were wearing earmuffs purloined from the wardrobe in order to muffle the sound of Water, Munchkin, and Eliza's crying. The former was currently scurrying back and forth across the Doctor's body, trying to stay as close to her brother and sister as she could while he slowly spun in midair.

Laughing at Amy's irritation and her husband's antics, River replied, “As a matter of fact I do have something, but while you may be able to tolerate all this noise, I can hardly think right now. Let’s get you three together, and then I'll tell you.”

Grabbing some equipment from the wall next to the entrance, River clipped an extendable line onto her belt and the door handle, then pushed off firmly from the wall. Swiftly gliding across the room she intercepted the Doctor, carried him with her to the opposite wall, then unhooked herself and attached the cord to him. Pressing 'retract' on the line so that he'd be towed to the exit, River made her way over to Rory, showed him how to clamber along the rungs back to the door, and then kicked off. She arrived at the exit within moments, beating Amy, who had steadily been making her way there in short hops ever since she reached another wall.

Once everyone was successfully back on solid ground, River stood slightly apart in order to resist the impulse to hold one of the colorful creatures. She then led them back to the console room, where they came face to face with the Doctor, Amy, and Rory.

“What are you thinking, River? How is this going to help anything?” the Doctor just entering the room sputtered.

Amy and Rory were both weirded out a little and looked at her questioningly.

With an easy smile, River explained, “Retired Teselectas, auctioned off when the time-traveling justice program got shut down. I've made some modifications and automated them to run without a crew. The Tardis provided the templates and helped me set their protocol to care for these stucklings. In their memory banks is all pertinent information, and they don't have AI so there won't be any problem with them getting bored or not wanting to be around each other.”

Leaning back against the console, she smirked and waited for their approval.

“So, these things will take care of them?” Amy seemed relieved and was appreciatively looking over her duplicate automaton.

Rory was less convinced and stared at fake Rory suspiciously. “But where are we going to put them? We can't just leave copies of ourselves wandering around on some planet with stucklings; what if someone finds them and it creates a whole other problem?”

"Excellent point, Mr. Pond," without acknowledging Rory's long-suffering sigh, the Doctor continued, “We need some way to contain them so this doesn't become more of an issue. Besides, how is their programming supposed to protect the little babies if something dangerous happens?”

“We've thought of that, Sweetie. The Tardis has constructed a room for them, equipped with everything a stuckling could need, and has promised to file it away where you won't run into it all the time, but if you ever feel like visiting Water,” she rolled her eyes at the name, “then you can. They'll be perfectly safe.”

The Doctor tried to come up with other reasons it couldn't possibly work, but eventually River won out and they willingly handed over Munchkin, Eliza, and Water to the now-activated, self automated Teselectas. There was a moment where everyone worried the Doctor might accidentally cause another stuckling to materialize, but River whispered something in his ear that made him blush and quickly let go of the creature. Following a route provided by the Tardis, the duplicate Amy, Rory, and Doctor walked off into the Tardis corridors in sync and no more than inches apart, already entirely focused on the now-happy little creatures.

As the ragtag family of time travelers watched them go, Rory commented, “Now _that_ is creepy,” causing Amy to laugh and give him a peck on the cheek, relieved that standing close to one another was now an option instead of a requirement.

They took turns finally embracing their daughter and made fun of the Doctor's still red cheeks when River refused to repeat what she'd said to him.

“Ponds, you have a very clever daughter,” he boasted, spinning River around and kissing her chastely before giving in to her protests to be put down.

After their long ordeal, even the Doctor was ready to get some sleep, so they said their goodnights and headed off to their separate rooms, relieved to finally be able to enjoy a little peace and quiet. Just before their door closed, Amy and Rory heard arguing from down the hall.

“...just a little one; it wouldn't be nearly as bad as a stuckling! And you have to admit they are incredibly cute...”

“For the last time, Sweetie, we are not getting a puppy. You're enough trouble as it is.”

“ _River_...”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> By the way, the antigrav chamber antics were largely inspired by Ender's Game, which is a very cool book.  
> I hope you liked this story, I tried my hardest to make it interesting. :)  
> (Reviews make my incredibly stressful high school life a lot better!)


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